I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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