Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
