I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
