i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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