so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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