she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
