And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
