The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
