I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
