I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
