yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
