I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
