so explain again why im purple
no
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
