He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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