Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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