so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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