All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
