There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
