bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
