in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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