Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
