I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
