Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
