Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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