Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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