Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
