Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
