Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
