I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
