so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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