Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
