Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
