life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
