I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
