i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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