Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
