Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
