we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
