dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
