she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
