You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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