So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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