I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
