phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
