there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
