Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
