I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
