you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
