I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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