Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
