Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish my penis had an off switch
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
