Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
