I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
